Ways To Support Someone Who’s Experienced Pregnancy Or Infant Loss

For Friends And Family

If your relative, friend, co-worker, or neighbor has experienced the loss of their baby, you may be wondering how to best support them now and in the future. You are most likely also grieving this loss - we know how confusing this may all feel. We’ve compiled resources below to help guide you as you navigate this difficult time.

  • Acknowledge

    “I’m heartbroken for you and your family. It’s so unfair that you are having to go through this. I’m here for you, now and always. We will forever remember (baby’s name).” Remember their baby is a person who will never be replaced.

  • Listen

    It’s okay if you don’t know what to say - admit that. Embrace the silence and offer a listening ear when they are ready. Let them cry and don’t be afraid to cry with them. Be patient - they may need to tell the story over and over, which is normal.

  • Honor

    Send a meaningful gift (see below for ideas). Support memory making by offering to help plan a memorial service, plant a garden, or create a new holiday tradition. Remember anniversary dates and send “thinking of you” cards.

  • Check In

    Text often - even if it’s just “thinking of you - no response needed” or “sending hugs”. Offer to meet up for a walk or coffee. Instead of saying “let me know if you need anything”, give tangible options of how you can help.

Meaningful Gift Ideas For A Loved One Who’s Experienced Pregnancy Or Infant Loss

  • Practical gifts are key - if you live locally to the bereaved family, consider dropping off a basket which could include things like tissue boxes (ultra soft ones), disposable plates and cutlery (so they don’t have to worry about dishes), shelf-stable snacks (granola or protein bars, fruit snacks, crackers, trail mix, soups, microwavable mac and cheese), and electrolyte drinks. If the family includes living siblings, add in activity books, puzzles, or small toys to help keep them occupied.

  • Gift cards to food delivery services or local restaurants are much appreciated, as many grieving people dread trips to the grocery store. Spoonful of Comfort offers “comfort food” packages ready to ship directly.

  • Personalized items like jewelry, ornaments, framed decor prints, wind chimes, suncatchers and candles are all beautiful ideas, especially if you include the baby’s initial, name, birthstone (anniversary or due date month), birth month flower, or a special symbol, animal, or color that the family associates with their baby. Laurel Box and Due To Joy both offer these types of sympathy gifts.

  • Many bereaved families simply don’t have the energy to care for flowers and plants (it can also be a painful reminder once the flowers die), so faux flowers that are made of wood or silk or low-maintenance succulents or air plants are a nice alternative.

  • If the family has outdoor space, a memorial garden stone, decorative garden stakes or statues, and solar lanterns are thoughtful gifts. Blessing and Light is recommended for their beautiful hand-painted garden stones.

  • A “self-care” gift basket could include items like shower steamers (for the cathartic deep cry shower sessions), eye masks or facial roller tool to help de-puff, fragrance-free lotion for sensitive skin, essential oil rollers, tea or electrolyte packets, and a cozy blanket and slippers.

  • If you are unsure about giving a physical item, consider a donation to a nonprofit organization in baby’s name and then send an acknowledgment letter to the family.

  • Offer to cover the cost of services such as mental health professionals, physical therapy or massage therapy, funeral services, or even hospital bills. The invisible costs to pregnancy and infant loss can add up very quickly, especially if the family has to take unpaid leave from work.

  • Another way to help is by setting up a meal train or other support service. Check out: Give InKind, Meal Train, Sign Up Genius

    *Please note, we are not sponsored or affiliated with any of the companies mentioned above - they are just personal recommendations. Please reach out with questions or concerns.

Ways You Can Honor A Baby Who Has Died

  • Everyone is invited to light a candle on October 15th annually for the International Wave of Light to honor Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day (and take a picture to send to the bereaved family)

  • Go to the beach and write baby’s name in the sand, then send a picture

  • Contact your parks & recreation department about donating a tree to plant in a local park

  • Pay it forward with buying coffee or breakfast for a stranger

  • Bring boxes of tissues to the hospital (because we all know hospital quality is rough) and send a picture of the donation to the bereaved family

  • Donate holiday gifts for a child that would be the same age as the baby who has passed

  • Include baby’s name when sending out holiday cards

  • Bring decorations to the baby’s gravesite

  • Donate children’s books to a library and send an acknowledgment letter or picture to the bereaved family

  • Take photos of a symbol that is meaningful to the family - butterflies, sunsets, hearts found in nature, baby’s initial, etc. Send an album to the family on anniversary dates or holidays

  • Paint rocks with inspirational messages and hide them in your community

Things To Remember While Caring For Someone Who’s Experienced Baby Loss:

  • Avoid trying to fix anything - focus on holding space and active listening.

  • Grief is a lifelong process - be patient and don’t rush them to be “over it”. They will move forward, but they will never move on.

  • Keep checking in. Even if you don’t receive a response.

  • Offer concrete examples of what you can do to help instead of saying “let me know if you need anything.”

  • Avoid saying things like “at least”, “you’ll have another baby”, “you weren’t that far along”, “everything happens for a reason”.

  • There are so many secondary losses: loss of self, loss of faith, loss of relationships, loss of control, loss of future dreams - the list goes on. Grief truly does not end.

  • Remember to take care of yourself - find support from a therapist or organization that offers bereavement groups.

  • Support can take many forms—whether it’s providing emotional comfort, offering practical assistance, researching counseling services, or helping to organize a community fundraiser. You don’t have to handle everything on your own. Reach out to other family members, friends, and colleagues to collaborate on a thoughtful plan to support the grieving family.

Check out this must-watch video on what grieving parents wish their family and friends understood about baby loss - created by The Love & Loss Project

“When I say ‘I hope you’re okay’, I mean; I know you’re not okay but I hope the sadness isn’t overwhelming you. That you can see cracks of light in the dark. That the shadows are letting you break and hurt and heal without swallowing you up. And that you know you’re not alone, even in the moments when it really feels like you are.” - Unknown